Posted by David on January 01, 2003 at 02:03:05:
In Reply to: "New Year's QUIT UKIYOE BUYING Tips for 2003" posted by Thomas Crossland on December 31, 2002 at 09:08:08:
Thanks for the cheering advice, Tom! Can't I take "small steps"? Is there not a patch? (An eye patch? Would two of them work?) Seriously, I need help. I'm about to knock over a convenience store to support my habit. I'll tell them "Toyokuni made me do it!" And pray I get someone from this board on my jury....
OK Dave, I’ll “take the bait” and try to help you with your addiction. Sharing your apparent sadness over the melancholic fleetingness of what daily existence would be like without ukiyoe in your life, may I offer the following suggestions in your quest of:
: "New Year's QUIT UKIYOE BUYING Tips for 2003"
: FIRST and foremost—-you must remove ALL forms of “ukiyoe” from your life:
: Cancel your Internet service if possible—-or at least consider dropping your current high-speed access and going back to the painfully slow image downloading capacity of a dial-up modem. (Remember too, that some websites or software offer a “view TEXT only” mode—-this can help to avoid unexpected “ukiyoe viewings.”)
: Consider the purchase of “ukiyoe-filtering software” which will block access to many of these objectionable and addictive “ukiyoe websites.”
: Find and destroy all of your auction passwords and bidder ID’s.
: Donate all of your “ukiyoe references” to your local library.**
: Donate all of your beloved “ukiyoe prints” to a local charity—-or, better yet, to a museum (where they will never again tempt other vulnerable future collectors).**
: Remember—-don’t leave even a single framed woodblock print on display anywhere in your house or office. (All it takes is a single unplanned “viewing episode” to fall back into a complete relapse.)
: **Burning or other forms of permanent destruction are preferable—-as this will lessen the overall supply and therefore future availability of these powerfully addictive "ukiyoe substances."
: NEXT—-once you’ve taken the above initial measures, the following “tips” will help you during the painful withdrawal period which can typically last as long as 3 to 5 years:
: (1) Drink plenty of fruit juices for at least the first three years to help avoid symptoms associated with your withdrawal from “ukiyoe-viewing.” Cranberry juice (or beer) are excellent and will lessen your cravings.
: (2) “Quit ukiyoe” for yourself—-not for others. Remember, if you give up your deeply felt “enjoyment of ukiyoe” just to please others, doing so is known as "junkie thinking" and it simply won’t work. And, don't expect your family or friends to appreciate or understand the pain felt by for an “ukiyoe addict” during withdrawal and recovery unless they've previously been “ukiyoe-dependent” themselves.
: (3) It may be fun to have an “ukiyoe quitting buddy” along to share your pain. Remember, “misery loves company”—-and you certainly will be miserable for a very long time. (But do not lean upon them as your primary source of motivation.)
: (4) Avoid trying to give up anything else enjoyable in your life while “quitting ukiyoe.” Life is lousy and boring enough as it is without giving up anything else enjoyable at the same time.
: (5) Write down all of your reasons for “giving up ukiyoe.” Try keeping a Diary—-it can be a powerful “ukiyoe-craving coping tool” during challenging moments that will occur.
: (6) Develop a plan ahead of time what you will do to get though the hundreds (but more likely, thousands) of “ukiyoe craving periods” that you will soon endure. Three useful approaches may include:
: Distraction—-Try washing the dishes, vacuuming, or even screaming into a pillow.
: Relaxation—-Try taking a shower. There, ukiyoe gets “soggy” and soon becomes unviewable.
: Darkness—-Try turning off all the lights. “Ukiyoe-viewing” is difficult—-if not impossible—-to do in total darkness.
: (7) Expect your body's “healing process” to trigger some of the most vivid dreams of your entire life. Understand that it is perfectly normal to dream that you are a samurai, a kabuki actor, or a courtesan. Don't be afraid—such seemingly bizarre “ukiyoe withdrawal-induced dreams” are a perfectly normal reaction.
: FINALLY—-Remember that your body’s “ukiyoe addiction” is a very powerful and destructive force. So just remember to “Take it just one day at a time,” starting with “Baby steps” at first.
: Never forget the Golden Rule: “NO ukiyoe EVER again—NEVER TAKE ANOTHER LOOK!!!”
: Yeah...... Happy New Year’s: It’s going to be a very loooooooong year......
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